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Scenoje: lapkritis

evolvente ● 2010-11-10

Atėjus lapkričiui, visuomet imdavau bambėti Alinos Orlovos dainos žodžiais: “jei jau šokti pro langą, tai tik lapkričio mėnesį”. O šiemet lapkritis atėjo irgi su jausmu, jausmu šokti, bet ne pro langą.

Be apie viską nuosekliai ir nuo pradžių.

Atėjo šiemet lapkritis saulėtai ir apsupo būtį šviesos voratinkliu, kurio viduje didžiulė scena.

Gyvenimas juk turi šitiek sinonimų, tegul šaindiena būna jo vardo “scena” ir pavardės “teatras” diena.

Atrodo, tipenu tyliai ir lėtai ta didžiule scena, grakčiai iškėlusi kaklą, lyg balerina ir, priėjusi patį vidurį, ten, kur daugiausiai saulės šviesos, kur ji pati intensyviausia, aš imu suktis.

Klasikos aidas vis intensyvėja ir intensyvėja, o aš susirandu savo atskaitos tašką, kurio dėka man neapsisuka galva ir nekrentu žemyn, atsispiriu vis stipriau ir stipriau, sukuosi vis smarkiau ir smarkiau.

Staiga bam, įsiterpia mušamasis, skelbdamas kulminaciją.

Paskutinį kartą stipriai atsispiriu ir apsisku tyloje. Šį karta apsisuku savo sielai, nes mūsų gyvenimus valdo ne kas kitas, bet dvasia.

Palengva į mane įsiskverbia tas vėjas, kuris neturi nei prdžios, nei pabaigos, tik savo sūkūrį, kurio pagautas pajunti tą džiugesį ir liūdesį, kartu sumišusius, tą jausmą, kai regi, kaip pildosi svajos, tą jausmą, kai teisybė suranda tavo sielą. Ir tai būna mirksnis vienas, visa ko vertės suvokimo mirksnis.

Tačiau jei gyvenimas - scena, dažnai joje išvysi ne vieną veiksmą.

Persikelkime į Pedro Almodovaro režisūros šedevrus (”Sugrįžimas”, “Viskas apie mano mamą”, “Pasikalbėk su ja”, “Aukšti kulniukai” ir t.t.), prisiminkime tą ispanišką kaitrą, nesuvaldomą aistrą, aštrias spalvas ir gilius jausmus.

Atsineškime tą dvasią į dviejų moterų, kadaise buvusių vieno to paties vyro, pokalbį. Tebūna tai moterys, nelaukiančios pyragaičio iš gyvenimo, bet kepančios ir tepančios tortus savo virtuvėse. Ir kartu tai tos silpnos moterys, laukiančios rūpesčio, švelnumo ir meilės iš vyro, kurio nėra šalia. Vyno sukurtoje jaukioje prieblandoje jos diskutavo apie meilę, kaip du režisieriai diskutuoja dėl tinkamo aktoriaus. Viena jų sakė, jog meilės nėra. Kita sakė, jog meilė yra. Vynas baigėsi ir klausimas taip ir liko diskutuotinas. Viena moteris, netikėjusi meile, išėjo meilės ieškoti. Kita moteris, tikėjusi meile, išėjo ieškoti paprastos draugystės. Ir toliau nebesvarbu. Nes vis dar turime atvirą klausimą.

Štai toks tas kitas veiksmas,  persmelktas Pedro Almodovaro auros.

Greta norėčiau pateikti trečiąjį, visa ko tęsinį.

Du garbaus amžiaus seneliai švenčia savo 48-ąsias vestuvių metines. Jai neseniai buvo 70metų, jam arti 75-erių. Sulaukę šios dienos vidurio, jie šventė savo dieną. Bare gulėjo senai užmirštas šompano butelis. Jį šiek tiek atlaisvinus, kamštis visu smūgiu šovė į didelę metų eilę skaičiuojantį krištolinį šviestuvą. Dalis jo pavirto laimės šukėmis, nuklojusiomis stalą ir grindis. Keldami šompano taurę už savo ir kitų, nes kitaip tie seneliai tiesiog nebemoka, laimę, jie parašė laiškus vienas kitam į ateitį. Jie rašė apie tai, kaip jaučiasi, ko tikisi, ką mąsto apie vienas kitą, apie savo vaikus, anūkus ir kaip visa tai, jų manymu bus pasikeitę po dvejų metų. Šiuos laiškus jie sudėjo į pusės litro talpo stiklainį ir “užvakavo”, taip, kaip vakuoja pomidorus žiemai, tik nekaitindami. Po dviejų metų jie atidarys tą stiklainį. Po dviejų metų sukaks 50-osios jų vestuvių sukaktuvės.

“Neskubėkit, dar pabūkit dviese,

Kol negęsta vakaro žara.

Žvaigždės dar svajonę tegul tiesia,

Tegul šildo židinio liepsna. “:

Kaip matote, atsakymas antrajam veiksmui. Palieku kad ir siaurą, bet visgi plyšį jūsų interpretacijai.

Ir pabaigai:

Tik tu pamiršk, o jei negali pamiršti, tikėk stipriau nei visi tikintieji. Biplan

Bet paklausyk, kadangi mes ne kojinės, o žmonės, tai mūsų gyvenimo tikslas nėra išlikti švariems. Troškimai - svarbiausia, ką turime, ir negalime jų visą laiką atsisakinėti. Todėl kartais verta nepamiegoti, bet įgyvendinti kokį nors troškimą. A. Baricco

Ir… mielieji, meilė yra. Jusų pačių viduje.

Ir … taip, trečiame veiksme mano seneliai.

Ačiū už dėmesį,

Labanaktis.


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